just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
