my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A+ Viking dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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