from now on my penis is your penis
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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