I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
