Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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