she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
