Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
