Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
