I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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