why didn't you poke me back
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
