or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
