Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
