I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
