It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
