it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she told me i tasted like america
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
