I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
