Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
