the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
