Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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