You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
