Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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