Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
vagina is talking i cant
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
