I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
