Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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