My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
