Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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