Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
