I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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