please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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