she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
