Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
