I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
only if we run a train.
done.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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