yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
