dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
