Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
