i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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