If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize