Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
