i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
