I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
