I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
