i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
