I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
