just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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