Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
