no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
