FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
