he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
