HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
