If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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