Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
