I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
