I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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