I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
