Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
