he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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