you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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