when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
