so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
