I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
