She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
