my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Alive.
So much puke
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize