I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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