____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
