You're my little dorito
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
