if you like me you must not know who I am
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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