Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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