I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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