"it" just moved
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
